Least Helpful Reviews

Life in the Undergrowth : We were all very disappointed with these DVDs. They were FULL of evolution.
:laugh:
 
... because even fuckwits have opinions.
 
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Penetrating-Wagners-Ring-Capo-Paperback/dp/0306804379

be warned, with some of these you'll dirty yer trunks laughing!

"
Previous explorations of Wagner's vast Ring piece have been unfulfilling, but Di Gaetani is unafraid to thrust deeply and energetically into this dark and forbidding cavern. A highly satisfying exploration leading the reader to a positively biblical understanding of Wagner's Ring.
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Wagner was a man of filthy personal habits and ate a very poor diet. He was grouchy and sometimes didn't leave his bed for days and days, even to wash. A lot of people think that this is why his Ring grew into something so enormous and troublesome. DiGaetani argues a contrary view: that the unmanagible size of Wagner's Ring is an act of Will - that it was the ultimate expression of Wagner's attempt to obliterate all that had gone before him that drove him to such excesses as inserting swords, helmets, anvils, speers and a giant worm into his Ring. The end result, argues DiGaetani, is a structure which although circular, runs red with blood and gives both seering pain and intense pleasure.
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Awesome! I have never seen that before. Very funny, especially as I nearly bought that exact t-shirt for my son a bunch of years ago. He already had a Mountain wolf design he really liked though (think he found that one when we were in a charity shop) so I went with snakes instead.
 
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200ml (Personal Care)
Being a loose cannon who does not play by the rules the first thing I did was ignore the warning and smear this all over my knob and bollocks. The bollocks I knew and loved are gone now. In their place is a maroon coloured bag of agony which sends stabs of pain up my body every time it grazes against my thigh or an article of clothing. I am suffering so that you don't have to. Heed my lesson. DO NOT PUT ON KNOB AND BOLLOCKS.

(I am giving this product a 5 because despite the fact that I think my bollocks might fall off, they are now completely hairless.)
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http://www.amazon.co.uk/review/R231U4ZG0YDNHD/ref=cm_cr_pr_viewpnt#R231U4ZG0YDNHD

:notworthy: :cry: :lol: :confused:
 
One Direction @ Hisense Arena

23 82
hisense arena
The Band
Dr Dre
fuck
shit
Adolescence
Jump
All Night
Feces
anal sex

For those unaware, One Direction are a teenage British boy band who are just the right combination of good looks and shitty pop music to seduce the hearts of young girls worldwide, and just young enough for Kony to kidnap. They released an album called Up All Night (which has dominated charts worldwide) and got away with it because of their young, clean image. It was considered “cute” and “playfully naughty”. Yet if Dr Dre put out an album with the exact same title it would be considered “extremely vulgar” and “too heavy on references to hardcore everlasting anal sex”. One Direction are in their late teens. Just sayin’.

I must admit that I was not in a grand mood before One Direction. Firstly, in some form of sick joke, I was asked to review this band, and then I was told I couldn’t get a +1. I was alone. At One Direction. And I paid $10 for parking. And then I was seated between two groups of horrifyingly loud 14-year-old girls. It was awesome depressing and a low point in my career. But then things got better, and I was transformed into a good mood because these girls were hot! I was interested in seeing why such a colossal chaos was made of this boy band.

One Direction, with less collective hairs beneath their underwear than hairs on my face, came out to the sound of a screaming pre-pubescent frenzy. They opened with one of their shit songs followed by another gargantuan turd. I knew I was in for a musical orgasm after Niall (is that even a real name) started strumming his cool air guitar in time with the drum beat. As both instruments do in fact make a form of noise, I will refrain from further criticism.

Not long after, they performed their most puzzling hit, What Makes You Beautiful, a gem which contains the bizarre lyric: “You don't know you're beautiful/Oh oh/That’s what makes you beautiful”. I can’t understand how this lyric has gone under the radar. It roughly translates to “You have no sense of self-worth/Oh oh/That’s why I like you”. One Direction are obviously sickeningly attracted to girls with low self-esteem. Other lyrics from that song include the repetitive chanting of “Nana Nana Nana Nana Nana Nana Nana Nana” – quite reminiscent of the schoolyard tease chant of “Nana Nana Na”.

By far the highlight of the evening was a break in the performance where the band read the tweets from audience members which featured various questions. My favourite tweet was “Who can jump the highest?” The members of the band then all attempted to find out who was the most talented jumper. They each took turns, one by one, jumping on stage and then high fiving each other. It was a moment that will go down in rock history; a moment where I can say, “I was there”.

One Direction are fucking terrible, and I hate my fucking shitty job.

BY NICK TARAS
Photo credit: Charles Newbury

LOVED: When Louis jumped really high.
HATED: The expensive price of chips.
DRANK: Didn’t serve alcohol but I had chips. They were good but not cheap!
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http://www.beat.com.au/music/one-direction-hisense-arena
 
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Aluminium-Foil-450mm-75m-establishment/dp/B003MAEDNA

Samples:

By far the best for making aluminium shield hats to ward off aliens. The extra shininess of this top grade foil means that their probe rays are deflected back with stunning accuracy.
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Normally I wrap small furry animals in empty Walkers crisp packets before inserting the wriggling fun bag into my sphincter , well not any more!
Now I simply scrunch a fair sized chunk of this glorious love foil into a nice solid ball roughly the size of an apple,then making sure there are lots of sharp edges I roll this baby right up there and take a five mile sprint, and MY GOD, what a rush. And the cherry saused chocolate robots left over after a 20 mile sesh make excellent Christmas pressies.
Thank you Sussex Supplies.
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I always thought that my cardboard box robot was lacking a certain joie de vivre. Now, after Pritt-sticking some of your inestimable aluminium foil to his cotton reel wheels, adding a battery and some simple wiring, his eyes flash on and off when I push him along carpeted flooring. My previously empty existence is now moderately tolerable.
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